Pluto and the River Styx, My Ass!

eLwood --

If Pluto's (death / rebirth / fanatacism / obsession / compulsion) transit through Sagittarius (religion) resulted in ONLY 9 /11, we're lucky.

Now we're (humanity's) faced with Pluto's transit through Capricorn.

Capricorn. Sign of Government. Sign of Earth.

It seems to me that Pluto's transit through Capricorn will bring the world to a "world government" because of critical geological conditions that threaten humanity.

In other words, global warming, rising sea levels, etc., will ultimately supercede national "religious" warfare and demand international cooperation in the face of mass human displacement, migrations, starvation, etc.

All of this leads to economic and financial "one-world" government because of the increasingly interconnected economic global community.

Like it or not.

Seems Pluto in Sagattrius (Ninth House Communications) established a global neurological link that's now necessary (Pluto in Capricorn) to confront and solve the planetary challenge of Global Warming, for lack of a better term.

Pluto in Capricorn, it seems, necessitates a One World Government.

If we're to survive as a planet and a human race.

eLwood, My Soulmate

Okay. That "soulmate" shiz is pretty cheezy, but nonetheless, here is an email from astrologer email from astrologer Mark Dodich on the upcoming election. I'm not a mundane astrologer, but here ya go. Let's see.

1. Barack Obama will be our next president. According to astrology, he best represents what the country needs now. His job is to turn the corner on the change that is coming. He will be a conservative revolutionary.

2. At the beginning of the day, Nov. 4, 2008, it will look like a very close race and that McCain may be leading, but after 4pm PST, when the Moon goes into Aquarius and the western states start to give their count, Obama will take the lead.

3. His win will be a comfortable margin, but not a landslide.

4. Obama's chart indicates he has positive effects for leadership to bring forth higher ideals for humanity. On the negative side it shows he may attempt to do too much and get scattered.

5. Joe Biden's chart indicates he has the ability to get down to the depths to know what is really going on below the surface. He is not one to be crossed (lots of Scorpio)! Negative effects include getting excessively preachy or foot in mouth disease.

6. Michelle Obama's chart shows the ability to work for the larger picture of humanity in a practical and compassionate way. Negatively, she has the potential for stubbornness and the need to be the boss.

7. The chart of Ohio indicates it will go to Obama.

8. The chart of Florida looks like it will stay red for McCain.

9. The chart of Missouri leans to red for McCain.

10. The chart of Pennsylvania leans to blue for Obama.

11. John McCain will have an "event" in December of this year. Pluto will conjunct his North Node which represents soul destiny. Very serious!

12. Sarah Palen is not going away. Even though they will lose the election, we haven't seen the last of her. She has an abundance of planets in Aquarius and Jupiter, the planet of expansion, is headed in that direction. Her destiny is tied in with Obama because she has planets on his South Node, which shows that he owes her something from a past life connection. It was no accident that McCain picked her for his running mate against Obama. The "coincidence" of his position as a candidate has in effect paid his debt to her because it has given her recognition and opportunity. Notice how he never says anything negative about her. There is a great connection from a previous lifetime between the two of them. Watch this play out!

13. The chart of the United States shows that Pluto is opposing the USA Venus. Venus rules finances, real estate, stocks and bonds and we are now seeing its effects in the financial markets and the value of the dollar. Pluto comes along and trashes it all.

14. During the next presidential term, Pluto will oppose the USA Jupiter in Cancer, suggesting challenges and realignment in our relationship with the world. Jupiter rules foreign relations, banking, higher education, international law, family law. These areas will undergo transformation.

15. Transiting Pluto will be in Capricorn beginning Nov.26 through 2023. This energy has not been around since the American Revolution. Pluto transforms and Capricorn is the structure. Government, taxes, borders, big corporations, skin cancer, knees, the elderly, prejudice, farming, infrastructures (like bridges), and time are ruled by Capricorn. All these issues will undergo transformation. Keep in mind that in spiritual astrology, Capricorn is the sign of initiation into a higher order.

MYSTIC MOMENTS

eLwood asks about the transit of Saturn opposite Uranus on November 4th, election day.

Funny: I had exactly the same question emailed to me from a long-time client and student in Europe last week.

Here is, verbatim, what I wrote him.

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"Well, I'm sure you can recall the symbolism of this one for yourself, but here goes.

"The Signs involved are Pisces (illusion, lies, deceit) and Virgo (specifics, numbers, facts).

"Uranus is electronics (as in voting machines) and computers; Saturn is concrete paper trails.

"Uranus retrograde "repeats" an action from the past.

"Uranus rules upsets, overturning, sudden unexpected events and catastrophes (even violence), rebellion, radicalism, overturnings, surprises.

"Saturn rules tradition, conservatism, patriarchies, fascism, totalitarianism, blockages, barriers . . . and also Race (specifically the Black race).

"Mythologically, Saturn and Uranus are ancient enemies.

"What this means on election day is anybody's guess, since Uranus can (and usually is) interpreted as 'expect the unexpected.'

"But in Reinhold Ebertin's "Combination of Stellar Influences," Saturn and Uranus in stress aspect are interpreted as:

1. "Unusual emotional tensions or strains, irritability, emotional conflicts, rebellion, the urge for freedom, a provocative conduct, an act of violence.
   
   
2. "Kicking against tutelage and against the limitation of freedom, the tendency to cause unrest within one's environment, a quarrel, separation, the use of force, interventions in one's destiny (through Providence), the limitation of freedom."

So yes, your worries are well-founded. Up to and including the unmentionable circumstance you mentioned.

Though let me remind you that, in general, nothing is ever as "bad" as it looks in astrology, and nothing is ever as "good."

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Only eLwood will understand this post. Next post? More naked dancing Chippendale's / Hooters guys and gals! Fun times!

RACE TO THE FINISH!

"The stars seem to be aligning," observes Oxford, Mississippi’s Mayor Richard Howorth prior to the historic McCain / Obama Presidential Debate Friday night at Ole Miss.

A Deep South Republican Mayor consults an astrologer? Just like Ronald Reagan? I'm supposed to feel GOOD about this?

"The stars seem to be aligning?" Are you kidding me with this? Do you BEGIN to comprehend the implications of Saturn transiting opposite Uranus? eLwood does.

People, people, you remember Ole Miss. In 1962 the campus looked like this.

3,000 white people gathered to riot as James Meredith (NOT a white people) attempted to register for his higher education. The Feds sent in Deputy Marshals to protect Meredith and enforce the law. Two people were killed in the ensuing melee, dozens more injured.

But times have changed. We have gone forward. Here is Mayor Howorth (left, below) at a recent ribbon-cutting ceremony on the Ole Miss campus with four other old white guys.

Amazing, the Progress of Time, isn’t it.

Notice, 46 years later at Ole Miss, it's still a bunch of old white guys only there's no riot headgear nor weapons!

Nor blacks.

Oh, they're there, somewhere out of the frame, out of thought, out of mind, out of power. Like the convention floor of the RNC in St. Paul.

Progress. Pride.

One Nation, Under Clorox.

Quick (to yourself): name two Whites you count as friends. Two Blacks. Two Asians. Two Latinos. Two Muslims. Two Jews. Two agnostics. Two religionists. Two Democrats. Two Repubicans. Two Independents. You've been to their homes? They've been to yours?

Good for you! MOST Americans never leave Stepford.

So, while Race has pretty much studiously been avoided by both parties (officially, anyway) up till now, the Ole Miss Presidential Debate’s subtext is “America’s Racism in HDTV!” for all the world to see (over 3,000 journalists will be covering the event).

Will there be Rebel flags waved en masse in the background? Will the same almost-all-white fat old audience from the RNC in St. Paul be bused into Oxford? What will Cindy wear?

Earth waits with bated breath whilst trying to recall how to dance the Funky Chicken because now it’s ALL about Race and how America and particularly the American South and particularly Ole Miss have grown in 46 years and, “Look! A black presidential candidate debates a white presidential candidate at Ole Miss!”

“Well, partly black. Maybe a Muslim. Shoots hoops with his homies.”

Amidst all this self-congratulatory back-slapping about how far we’ve come, somebody needs to let the elephant of Racism out of the living room before it turns and rampages against its captors.

But mainly, Deputy Marshals must AGAIN be directed to Oxford to prevent THIS:

Cindy, Cindy. (Yes, she did. Just click pic.) That’s wrong on so many levels. And who told Bob Mackie he could come out of retirement?

For the Love of God, Cindy, this is a Presidential Debate, not a late-night rerun of the failed cable reality series, “Being Björk and Beyond!”

And, at last, Cindy . . . yes, we must address your HAIR issues.

Particularly NOW. You are mid-50s; not 20-something. Just look at your FACE, sweetness.

The Prom passed you by long ago. So WHY this smooth soft blond big-hair 80s sweep that only emphasizes your facial wrinkles and shadows, Cindylicious?

Oh, right. It's Oxford Mississippi in 2008. Kewl.

But the Oldest Hottie at Hooter's isn't necessarily First Lady material, Cindy.

I know you’ve kicked everything and you’re clean as a whistle, Cindy, and no longer stealing prescription meds from that non-profit health thingy you set up and used to steal them from, except you didn't get prosecuted for it because you could have been sent to some B-movie lesbian prison for, like, 20 years or something but thank God you're rich and white because if your were poor and ghetto, oh, never mind, but please, we're back to Race and Class and the South and it's all so overwhelming but PLEASE! PLEASE, CINDY! Go back through your home(s) in search of any random meds you might have secreted and forgotten under the mattress, in drapery linings or under corners of your Berber carpets . . . swallow whatever you find with a little champagne . . . and do yourself, America and the World a favor by re-thinking your wardrobe approach for the Ole Miss Debate.

THE TWO TODDS

Let's not pretend any longer. We're not voting for John McCain for President. We're voting for Sarah Palin.

John McCain is increasingly bizarre and out-of-touch, as is often the case when we're staring Death in the face and, understandably, in Denial.

There's something sad, tragic, in trotting out a senile old warhorse, even if rarely, to embarrass him in unscripted not-tightly-controlled interviews where he just looks confused or worse. Spain isn't part of Europe? Come on.

Pathetic.

If that's it, the Republican Party's mantra this year might as well be "night of the living dead," they're so behind every curve -- economically to socially. Dinosaurs.

So we are looking at Sarah and Todd Palin as titular head(s) of the United States of America.

Alaskan Trailer Trash, Patriots.

A Creationist and a Secessionist.

No matter how you cut it, Cupcake, these two are the pits.

The opposite of "elites." You know. People with actual educations, life experiences, smarts, hearts? The kinds of people America needs to rediscover to lead us out of our current morass.

Not Trailer Trash.

Would YOU buy a used Cavalier from this man?










Or from THIS guy, who's trying to ignore his subpoena in his wife's "Troopergate" investigation?

TELL me Todd's not another Ted Haggard with the wife and kids and the male hooker meth connection on the side.

Don't you LOVE Todd with two "d's"? Not the usual "Tod" with one "d"?

A little bit gay.

Because seriously: if Todd Palin turns out to be a closeted gay rest-stop queen (let's face it: use your Gaydar. Does that face SCREAM "local TV weatherman?") it's a Dark Day for Democracy.

IF, I say, then America's in serious trouble. Because the Palins are more dysfunctional than the Bushes.

Only the Palins are trailer trash and the Bushes are pretend aristocracy thanks to Prescott's Nazi ties. (Oh, Google it, chipmunks.)

That we're even discussing this in a Presidential election says reams about our country.

That the American electorate has been seduced into this tawdry abyss says even more.

CROWD CONTROL IN BEVERLY HILLS!

The Beverly Wilshire Hotel is where the BIG party was, and where Streisand sang . . . but not where the REAL party was.

The real party was at Graystone Manor (or mansion to the nouveau riche), high above Sunset Boulevard, built by the fabulous Doheny family in the 1920's. Today it's a palatial relic: empty but fairly well-maintained as a "museum."

It's now rented out for movie sets and private parties like the one tonight (technically, last night).

"Lola," my Little Rock friend whose husband couldn't attend so she invited me at the last minute, was all atwitter at the prospect of meeting stars, as we dressed in our suite at the Beverly Wilshire and ordered the limo.

Lola's husband has participated in various film financing packages in the past, which is how he was invited to this $28.5K per head Obama fundraiser at Graystone.

"Can we get pictures?" she fluttered.

"Absolutely not," I told her.

"Not even with our cell phones?"

"Honey, even if you ask politely and they agree, if you whip out your cell phone you and I will be gently but firmly escorted out to the limo. Look. These are people like you and me. Tonight's not about red carpets and papparazzi and autograph seekers."

"How do YOU know so much about it?"

"Lola, my darling, I have a confession. I'm bi."

"What?" She stepped back, eyeballed me up and down (I'm looking cougar-licious in a nutmeg two-piece Valentino with rust piping, a dusky peach Armani shell, plus some Bulgari bling on the wrists and fingers but NOTHING on the ears, a crucial style tip in these faux-casual settings). "You're bi?"

"Bi-coastal, darling. This and New York is where I've lived all my life before returning to Arkansas. I never talk about it. But I actually know some of these people who'll be there tonight. Just relax and stick with me. You'll be fine. Just pretend it's another reception at the Governor's Mansion. Not the Huckabees. The Beebes. Think of them as Arkansans you haven't met yet."

We set off in the limo for Graystone Manor. I kept giving nervous Lola tips, like NOT asking the limo driver if he would mix her a Cosmo. "NOBODY drinks at these things, Lola. Maybe a few sips from one glass of wine or one cocktail all night. But that's it. This isn't a tailgate party at War Memorial."

As we arrived, I imparted one word of advice: "Just remember: the bigger they are the nicer they are. Now. Stick with me. Watch and learn."

So here, bloggers, are your essential tips for navigating the supposedly shark-invested waters of big-league social events.

#1 - MAKE EYE CONTACT.



Starting with the limo driver and working on through doormen, reception lines and actual guests and honorees. Paste a mysterious, but sincere, smile on your face and in your eyes and KEEP it there. A subtly inviting smile is a natural face-lift. Creates more photogenically appealing facial planes. A flirty twinkle in your eye attracts all ages, genders and economic brackets. President Clinton has this DOWN.

Eye-contact.

Wherever you are, at whatever moment, you're talking to and interested in only ONE person: the one with you.

#2 - EVERYBODY'S THERE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME, enjoy old friends, make new acquaintances. You wouldn't want a stranger running wide-eyed toward you and gushing to you and asking for your picture. Don't be that stranger.

#3 - ENTRANCE. Presentation is everything.

The Pause is key. Having already gotten on first-name basis with our limo driver (Federico) and the greeters (Quanisha and Charlotte), Lola and I were ushered to the magnificent celebrity-filled courtyard for cocktails.

"Stop, Lola. Look at that incredible detailing on the parapets."

We looked up at the architecture. NOT AT THE CROWD.

"Just keep looking up," I whispered, knowing nothing about parapets. "This is where everybody gets to assess us. And look over there at that fabulous stonework over the stained-glass window! Turn your head and body, Lola. Give them another angle. Revel in the glory that is Greystone! Now, fill yourself with the ecstasy of this magnificent estate and the overwhelming gratitude you feel for just BEING here and looking hot . . . let your smile go big and rapturous . . . and NOW look down and around at the crowd as if you're just noticing them. Keep that fabulous smile whle we spot the bar!"

#4 - CROWD CONTROL. If you spot an actual acquaintance who recognizes you, give a little wave and make a beeline for his or her group. If you know absolutely NOBODY, on your way to the bar you still give brief smiley fake-waves to imaginary friends too far across the room to join until later.

Here's what's crucial about this portion of your entrance. You spot the power-clumps, the stars, the movers and shakers, where their best lighting happens to be (they will have already found it for you), and the hangers-on like you -- inevitably occupying sidelines, uncomfortably motionless, silent, watching, waiting, hoping. These are NOT your people.

By the time you reach the bar (always choose the bar FARTHEST from the entrance to give your processional maxium exposure), you've laid out the room and the room's laid out you.

Order your one and only drink for the evening. Then . . .

#5 - KEEP MOVING. Odds are you've made conversation with somebody on line at the bar. If not, here's how. "This is so wonderful, to see this kind of turnout for Obama." That's all it takes. They presume you've paid $28.5K to be here, or know somebody who has. And Obama gives you something in common to talk about whilst waiting for drinks.

Even if, ESPECIALLY IF, they're a celebrity, DON'T acknowledge it. Just start the conversation as above, as if with a stranger. And be prepared to continue it. They're likely to reply noncommittally, like Leonardo did with me. "It IS wonderful. I'm glad to see so much support."

"I just wish America understood Hollywood," I continued. "They think it's all pretense and glamor and wealth, but don't realize the hard work and training and dedication and idealism and commitment to freedom that lives here."

Leonardo stared at me. Glanced at Lola, then back at me. "Do I know you?"

I'm loving Leo's no-tie attitude. Plus: SEE what I told you about the smile-and-the-eyes thing?

(I'm telling you, Razorbacks. Marilyn Monroe knew it. Angelina Jolie knows it. Brad Pitt. Madonna. Miley Cyrus. The secret to "charisma" is perfecting the, "I'll fuck anything moving, anytime, anywhere and right now . . . you're it," look.)

"No," I flirted, cougar-ish. "I used to work with Jeffrey and David. That's how I'm here. This is my friend, Lola. Actually, the reason we're here is her husband financed some pictures with Dreamworks. But he couldn't make it."

Leo lit up at the word "finance" and Lola and I were off and running for the rest of the evening!

But if you're not so lucky at the bar, remember the cardinal rule: KEEP MOVING! Don't EVER stand on the sidelines, watching.

#6 - MAKE NEW FRIENDS. While you keep moving, you're bound to spot a celebrity who's temporarily alone and wondering about THEIR next move. Beeline, but subtly, till you're next to them.

"This is so wonderful, to see this kind of turnout for Obama."

If the star's a little chilly, like Jody was with me,

just ignore it and continue with, "I just wish America understood Hollywood. They think it's all pretense and glamor and wealth, but don't realize the hard work and training and dedication and idealism and commitment to freedom that lives here."

"Where are you from?" Jody inquired, thus setting off a thirty-minute discussion of Arkansas politics, Mike Huckabee, Bill Clinton and same-sex marriage that made me look like her best friend to curious passersby.

Curious about ME! Because they all knew who Jody was.

She introduced me to several friends who horned in on the conversation and suddenly I was being passed around like a party trophy at this fabulous party. But I'm not a name-dropper, so I'll stop.

THAT'S how these parties work,Razorbacks.

Oh, yeah.

#7 - DON'T NEGLECT THE LOO. This is the one room at ANY party, where friends for a lifetime (and, often, a lot of green) can be made. Work it. Work it often.

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Back at the Bevery Wilshire, Barbra sang great, as always. I loved her dedicating Sondheim's "Send in the Clowns" to the Republican Party.

And Obama? Magnificent. We earlier hit it off immediately back at Graystone. But I think he does that with everybody. I ran into him three times, from the reception to the Beverly Wilshire.

Finally, on our third meeting, I broke my rule. I whispered to him (yes, in front of the cameras. Why do you ask?), "I am so embarrased, but could I ask you for a quick photo with me from my cell phone?"

Obama grinned and looked down at me, which is the only direction he ever looks because he is REALLY tall, smiled and said, "Sure. Where're you from?"

Which got us into a three minute intimate conversation about Arkansas politics, Mike Huckabee, Bill Clinton and same-sex marriage that made me look like his best friend to curious passersby whilst I held out my Razr and took pictures of the two of us.

Classy.

Anyhoo, those are my tips, peeps. And always remember: Rules are made to be broken.

I'M OFF!

Dinner tonight at the Beverly Wilshire to raise funds for Obama! $28.5K per plate! Barbra Streisand sings!

And it's all comped! My best Democrat friend, "Lola" (not her real name), phoned late last night that her husband has bronchitis and can't fly. Thank GOD he's older. I get to go EVERYWHERE at the last minute!

All of Hollywood will be there (REAL Hollywood, I mean: not Chuck Norris and Pat Boone and Tom Cruise).

And so will I! My laptop's with me, but I can't live-blog from the Beverly Wilshire fund-raiser till I get back to my room late tonight.

Which brings me to the urgent topic of Barbara's three-quarter "performance Burqa."

People need people, pishka.

You get James Brolin and he gets THIS?

I KNOW putting the teleprompter on the ceiling for when you forget your lyrics gives you the excuse to lift your chins and look heavenward, as if there were a balcony in the Beverly Wilshire, which there's not, and honestly we don't care how heavy you are 'cause we're in it for the voice (like with Barbara Cook on the other coast) only . . .

Couldn't you have gone with red? Or maybe torquoise?

Or are you really so chunky you have to do the black-on-black thing so you fade into the set?

We don't CARE, Babs.

We just pray that for $28.5K we get to hear more than "Evergreen" and gnaw on rubber chicken amidst non-working celebrities.